Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
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New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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