Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
