Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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