That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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