Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's shark week go big or go home
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
