If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize