my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
