Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
