If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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