I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
