Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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