we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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