you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
