Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Bring me that man meat
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
