I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
