his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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