I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
