If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
