How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
