She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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