btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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