3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
