found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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