Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
