am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
