What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
