Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
