Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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