Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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