There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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