You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
