let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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