I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
