Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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