meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
