god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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