Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
