You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
