3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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