Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
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i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
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female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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