I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
