So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
