he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Two words: nipple clamps
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