I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
