you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
BRING THE BAGELS
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
