Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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