It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
