like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
