I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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