I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
