We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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