My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
