Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
