period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
