So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
