i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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