i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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