Where is the hickey?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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