I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Randomize
