8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I will pee on everything he values.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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