I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
