I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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