remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
