I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
