It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
