It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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