We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
