I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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